If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize