What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
