Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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