Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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