I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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