I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
