just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
