anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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