We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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