1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
