Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
