i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
As shirtless as possible
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
