She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
