im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
