the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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