booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
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Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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