he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
