Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
