I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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