So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
