bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
