I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
