we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i've created a new STD.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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