Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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