A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
