she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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