it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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