Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
