No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize