Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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