....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
