oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize