Redeem this text for a blowjob
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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