Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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