her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
