the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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