Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
