and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
