He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
