On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
