marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
