Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was like eating out sand paper
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
