gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
