I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
