Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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