i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
