based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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