You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
