I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
