Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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