remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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