i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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