I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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