Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
