there's paper in my vomit.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
