by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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