I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's the barista slut.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
