When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
