you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
