Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
