I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
