I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize