So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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