Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
