So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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