I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
