I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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