You made me cry and you don't even care
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
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She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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