I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
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It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize