I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I stole a fireplace last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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