did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
