I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
